Anger is a normal and useful emotion. It can tell children when things are not fair or right. But anger can become a problem if a child's angry behaviour becomes out of control or aggressive. There are lots of reasons why your child may seem more angry than other children, including: It may not be obvious to you or your child why they're feeling angry. If that's the case, it's important to help them work out what might be causing their anger. Read our tips on talking to children about
feelings. Team up with your child to help them deal with their anger. This way, you let your child know that the anger is the problem, not them. With younger children, this can be fun and creative. Give anger a name and try drawing it – for example, anger can be a volcano that eventually explodes. How you respond to anger can
influence how your child responds to anger. Making it something you tackle together can help you both. Being able to spot the signs of anger early can help your child make more positive decisions about how to handle it. Talk about what your child feels when they start to get angry. For example, they may notice that: Work together to try to find out what triggers the anger. Talk about helpful strategies for managing anger. You could encourage your child to: If you see the early signs of anger in your child, say so. This gives them the chance to try their
strategies.Why is your child so angry?
Tackle anger together
Help your child spot the signs of anger
Anger tips for your child
Encourage regular active play and exercise
Staying active can be a way to reduce or stop feelings of anger. It can also be a way to improve feelings of stress, anxiety or depression,
For older children or young people, this could be simple activities, such as:
- a short walk
- jogging or running
- cycling
Read more about physical activity for children and young people.
Be positive
Positive feedback is important. Praise your child's efforts and your own efforts, no matter how small.
This will build your child's confidence in their ability to manage their anger. It will also help them feel that you're both learning together.
When to seek help for anger in children
If you're concerned your child's anger is harmful to them or people around them, you could talk to a:
- GP
- health visitor
- school nurse
If necessary, a GP may refer your child to a local children and young people's mental health service (CYPMHS) for specialist help.
CYPMHS is used as a term for all services that work with children and young people who have difficulties with their emotional or behavioural wellbeing.
You may also be able to refer your child yourself without seeing a GP.
Read more about accessing mental health services.
Further help and support for anger in children
For more support with anger in children, you could phone the YoungMinds parents' helpline free on 0808 802 5544 (9.30am to 4.00pm, Monday to Friday).
Other sources of help and support include:
- YoungMinds: parent's guide to responding to anger
- YoungMinds: information for children about dealing with anger
- MindEd for families: anger and aggression in children
If you have older children, find out more about talking to teenagers and coping with your teenager.
The Health for Teens website also has more about anger management
Does your kid seem to have “anger issues”?
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If you’re a parent, you’ve probably dealt with your fair share of tantrums, meltdowns, and freak-outs. Regulating our emotions is a skill we all have to learn, and some kids take longer to master self-control than others. But how do you know when your child’s aggressive or violent behavior isn’t just part of their learning curve vs. getting out of hand? And what can you do to help?
Why is my toddler so aggressive?
It’s all about knowing what’s developmentally appropriate. “We generally expect toddlers to experience some aggressive behaviors,” says pediatric psychologist Emily Mudd, PhD.
“At this stage, kids tend to resort to physical expressions of their frustration, simply because they don’t yet have the language skills to express themselves. For example, pushing a peer on the playground could be considered typical. We wouldn’t necessarily call that aggression unless it was part of a pattern.”
When to worry
By the time your child is old enough to have the verbal skills to communicate their feelings — around age 7 — physical expressions of aggression should taper off, Dr. Mudd says.
If that’s not happening, it’s time to be concerned, especially if your child is putting themselves or others in danger or is regularly damaging property.
Watch for warning signs that your child’s behavior is having a negative impact, like they’re:
- Struggling academically.
- Having difficulty relating to peers.
- Frequently causing disruptions at home.
“These warning signs are cause for concern and should not be ignored,” notes Dr. Mudd.
Your child’s behavior may have an underlying cause that needs attention. ADHD, anxiety, undiagnosed learning disabilities and autism can all create issues with aggressive behavior.
“Whatever the cause, if aggressive behavior impacts your child’s day-to-day functioning, it’s time to seek help,” Dr. Mudd says.
Start by talking with your pediatrician. If necessary, they can refer you to a mental health professional to diagnose and treat problems that may cause aggression.
Ideas to help with an aggressive toddler
Dr. Mudd recommends these strategies for helping your child tame their aggression.
Stay calm
“When a child is expressing a lot of emotion, and the parents meet that with more emotion, it can increase the child’s aggression,” she says. Instead, try to model emotional regulation for your child.
Don’t give in to tantrums or aggressive behavior
For example, if your child is having a tantrum at the grocery store because they want a particular cereal, don’t give in and buy it. This is rewarding and reinforces the inappropriate behavior.
Catch your child being good
Reward good behavior, even when your child isn’t doing anything out of the ordinary. If dinner time is problem-free, say, “I really like how you acted at dinner.” Treats and prizes aren’t necessary. Recognition and praise are powerful all on their own.
Help your child learn to express themself by naming emotions
For example, you might say, “I can tell you’re really angry right now.” This validates what your child is feeling and encourages verbal, instead of physical, expression. Opening up the floor for conversation can help them find ways of getting their feelings off their chest in a healthy way.
Know your child’s patterns and identify triggers
Do tantrums happen every morning before school? Work on structuring your morning routine. Break down tasks into simple steps, and give time warnings like, “We’re leaving in 10 minutes.” Set goals, like making it to school on time four days out of five. Then reward your child when they meet those goals.
Find appropriate rewards
Don’t focus on financial or material goals. Instead, try rewards like half an hour of special time with mom or dad, choosing what the family eats for dinner or selecting what the family watches for movie night.
You’re not alone with toddler aggression
If your child is struggling with self-control, incorporating these strategies into your parenting should help you rein in those behaviors.
If the situation seems unmanageable, though, remember that you’re not the only one struggling with your child’s behavior. Pediatric psychologists are skilled at helping children and families solve emotional and behavioral problems. Ask your pediatrician for the names of mental health professionals in your area.