Some of the problems with not addressing intrapersonal conflicts include which of the following

William L. Mace Ph.D, proposed etiology for psychosocial anxiety and depression involves a 2-step process:

1) Young people are socialized to adopt values and norms that are dysfunctional for them as adults, which lead to unresolved intrapersonal conflict

2) Unresolved intrapersonal conflict gives rise to anxiety, depression and a multitude of self-defeating behaviors.

When one person has a conflict with another person, we call this an interpersonal conflict.  An intrapersonal conflict occurs when a person has a conflict with himself or herself.

Types of Intrapersonal Conflict

Dr. Jeffrey Rubin stated that “When we describe a conflict using the DIG Conflict Model, the letters of the word, “DIG,” helps to remind us to first dig to find the DESIRE, then something that INTERFERES with the desire, and finally, the GUILT.”

Intrapersonal conflict occurs within an individual. The experience takes place in the person’s mind. Hence, it is a type of conflict that is psychological involving the individual’s thoughts, values, principles and emotions. Interpersonal conflict may come in different scales, from the simpler monotonous ones like deciding whether or not to go organic for lunch to ones that can affect major decisions such as choosing a career path. Furthermore, this type of conflict can be quite difficult to handle if you find it hard to work out your inner struggles. It leads to restlessness and uneasiness, or can even cause depression. In such occasions, it would be best to seek a way to let go of the anxiety through communicating with other people. Eventually, when you find yourself out of the situation, you can become more empowered as a person. Thus, the experience evoked a positive change which will help you in your own personal growth.

These conflicts involve the individual alone.

Resolving Intrapersonal Conflict

“To be honest, I’m always experiencing intrapersonal conflicts. At first, I don’t know how to deal with them. I get angry into something or someone, and then later, regret it.  I always criticize myself and I always have lack of patience.  When I’m experiencing this conflicts to myself. I don’t know what to do. I just let myself do what it has to do but I don’t think some conflicts have been solved. Then, when I learn how to handle my conflicts, I’m starting to feel the changes in me. Physically, emotionally, and socially. I know that I have lack of patience so when I get irritated easily, I’ll just inhale and exhale and I’ll count one to ten until my irritation subsides or I’ll just hang out with my friends and play with them computer games instead of reading my notes. And also, If I’m feeling that I may criticize myself again, I turn it into positive comments to inspired myself and to motivate myself more so that I can build enough self-confidence. Every conflict has a solution. You just have to believe in yourself and find ways on how to deal with them so that you can continue to enjoy your life.”

Conflict Resolution Tips

Most conflicts happen at two levels at the same time:  the content level and the power level (relationship level). The content level is the general issue such as the dishes needing to be washed.  The outcomes of conflicts can be win-lose, lose-lose, or win-win. In the win-lose outcome, one party in the conflict is satisfied in the short run but eventually the situation becomes a lose-lose for both parties. Approaches to manage or resolve conflict can include finding ways to diminish feelings of discontent by helping people to see things for the other person’s point of view.

• Use “I” Language: When dealing with disputes, avoid using words that exaggerate such as “never”, “always”, “can’t”, or “nothing”, or using negative language such as “trapped” or “picked on”. Use “I” language, even when referring to the other person’s behavior, and describe how you feel instead of attacking the other person. For example, instead of saying “you just don’t care”, say “I feel that you don’t care about this issue.” Using “I” language makes it less likely that the other person will get defensive and will allow you to reach a resolution faster.

• Use Probing Questions: Ask questions to find out what the other person is thinking and feeling such as “What thoughts would you like to share with me?” Encourage the person to completely express what they think and feel. This will allow you to see the full situation.

• Stay Positive: Stay as positive as possible and look for encouraging things to say about the other person even if one or both of you is angry. For example, you may say “I respect you for bringing this problem to my attention.”

What examples of intrapersonal conflict can you share and how was the conflict resolved?