Congratulations, you have decided to embark on a life change and challenge—blending families! You have likely learned through experience that building a good relationship does not happen instantly. It takes time, effort, commitment, and lots
of patience. As a new couple with children from a previous relationship, you face special challenges. You need to work on building a solid and committed relationship with each other, while including each other's children in the family. Avoid having the same expectations for your blended family that you would for a nuclear (or your previous) family arrangement. Having realistic expectations makes the difference. Making sure all stepfamily members know one another well is crucial before you
remarry. Family therapists find that forming a healthy stepfamily is a challenging task. This process can take anywhere from four to seven years of adjustment. Trying to merge two families too quickly may lead to disappointment as some family members may resist bonding. Work on the couple relationship as the first step to forming a healthy blended family. It is important to spend quality "alone" time together and nurture one another through positive communication. This is especially
important because the relationships you and/or your spouse have with your biological children started way before (and may be stronger than) your couple relationship. Every relationship requires work and no two relationships are alike. Part of that work involves dealing with loss, pain, and bitterness from a previous relationship so that it does not undermine your current relationship. In fact, rejection, loss, and guilt from past relationships can emerge in ways that neither partner
expects or understands. It is unhealthy for couples to ignore differences and past issues that need to be resolved. Be honest with yourself and your spouse as you read over the material presented here. Answer the questions in the chart on the next to last page. Through open communication and sincerity you will be on your way to strengthening your new family lifestyle. As you both work to form a strong, blended family, you need to
be aware of certain things: Make changes as slowly as possible and keep arrangements as consistent as possible. Consistency helps children feel a sense of stability. The best way to develop positive relationships within your new family are to take time to talk and listen to each other. All members, especially teens becoming adults, need to feel their opinions are valued and considered during decision-making. To reduce the amount of discontent in the family, each member should be encouraged to express his or her feelings. Emotions and situations in stepfamilies tend to be more intense and complicated. Adults need to allow children, regardless of their age, to process and express their feelings—even when their feelings and concerns are difficult for you to hear. Role of the StepparentThe role of a stepparent is not necessarily to be the household disciplinarian. As a stepparent, it may be better to avoid making decisions regarding your stepchild's behavior. This does depend on the circumstances involved. Instead of trying to parent your stepchild, it may be better to try to be a mentor or supporter to the child. If you do not agree with how your spouse handles a particular situation, discuss these issues privately, not in front of the child. Showing support for your spouse is vital in developing a positive marital relationship. Talk with your partner about your concerns—without being judgmental. Should you have concerns about a child's behavior, be sensitive to the fact that the child is trying to adjust to a new lifestyle. Keep a positive attitude; focus on the child's positive qualities. As time passes, your role as a stepparent may change. You may choose to be more involved with the child. Remember, though, you cannot force a close relationship. Take cues from the child about how involved they want you to be. Parenting your own children can often feel exhausting; being a stepparent is sometimes even more challenging. It can be frustrating and discouraging if the relationship with your stepchild is not what you would like it to be. With patience, consistency, forbearance, and time things will improve! Role of the Biological ParentAs a biological parent in the new household, you have a close relationship to all family members. You play a critical role in the development of a positive relationship between your child and your new spouse or partner. As the biological parent, you are primarily responsible for disciplining your child, although you may choose to share this responsibility with your spouse. Children may become angry and resentful that someone who is not their parent is making rules for them, which could be the case if your new spouse becomes the disciplinarian too soon. Also, make sure your child understands the need to treat your new spouse or partner kindly and with respect. Often children feel uneasy, nervous, or fearful toward a new stepparent. While it is fine for children to have these feelings, you need to make it clear that rude or mean behavior toward the new stepparent will not be tolerated. As you both work to establish your new household, make sure that your spouse has an understanding of the family's past discipline, household rules, and responsibilities. This understanding will help your spouse or partner be supportive as you try to make rules and responsibilities that are consistent for your biological child. (Make sure your partner gives you the same information regarding your stepchild/ren.) Also, as the biological parent, recognize that you have a bond with your child that your new spouse or partner does not share. This can leave him or her feeling isolated. Be sensitive to this and try to include your spouse or partner in daily routines as much as possible. Be sure to find activities that you all enjoy doing together. Do not forget the importance of getting one-on-one time with your child/ren. If children are not getting enough alone time with you they may feel jealous of the new stepparent. It is not easy to balance all the needs in a blended family, but you can do it! Where Do You Go from Here?The following questions will help you to assess your family views. The questions will help you and your future spouse to think about how you will model positive relationships with your new family. Questions for Potential Stepparents. Tips for Blended FamiliesThe following can help make the transition into a new relationship or remarriage with children easier. Read them and check off at least three from each list that applies to you. Then commit yourself to using them in your new household. For Biological Parents
For Stepparents
Resources for StepfamiliesFocus Adolescent Services – Helping your teen adjust to a stepfamily http://www.focusas.com/Adjust.html National Stepfamily Resource Center (a clearinghouse of information, linking family science research on stepfamilies and best practices in work with couples and children in stepfamilies) http://www.stepfamilies.info/ Reference ListBray, J.H. (1999). From marriage to remarriage and beyond. pp. 253-271 in Coping with divorce, single parenting and remarriage. Edited by E.M. Hetherington. Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum. Ferrer, Millie. 1998. "Tots in Action: 12-18 Months." Fla. Coop. Exten. Serv., IFAS, Univ. Fla, Gainesville. FCS 2124. 4pp. Ferrer, Millie. 1998. "Tots in Action: 24-36 Months."Fla. Coop. Exten. Serv., IFAS, Univ. Fla, Gainesville. FCS 2129. 4pp Ferrer, Millie and Sara McCrea. 2000." Let's Talk about Temper Tantrums." Univ. Fla, Coop. Exten. Serv. FCS 2153. 4pp. Fine, M.A., Coleman, M. & Ganong. L.H. (1998). Consistency in perceptions of the step-parent role among step-parents, parents, and stepchildren. Journal of Social & Personal Relationships, 15, 810–828. Fine, M.A., Ganong, L.H., & Coleman, M. (1997). The relation between role constructions and adjustment among stepfathers. Journal of Family Issues, 18, 503–525. Gamache, S.J. (1997). Confronting nuclear family bias in stepfamily research. Marriage & Family Review, 26, 41–50. Hamner, Tommie, and Pauline Turner. 1996. Parenting in Contemporary Society. Allyn & Bacon. Boston. 400pp. Ihinger-Tallman, M., & Pasley, K. (1997). Remarriage. Newbury Park, CA: Sage. Kheshgi-Genovese, Z., & Genovese, T.A. (1997). Developing the spousal relationship within stepfamilies. Families in Society, 78, 255–264. Kirby, J.B. (2006). From single-parent families to stepfamilies: Is the transition associated with adolescent alcohol initiation? Journal of Family Issues, 27, 685–711. Manczak, D.W. (1999). Remarriage. Clinical Reference Systems, Nov. 1. National Stepfamily Resource Center (2013). Stepfamily FAQs. http://www.stepfamilies.info/faq.php (Accessed February 7, 2013) Nelsen, Jane. 1981. Positive Discipline. Ballantine Books. NY, NY. 258pp. Papernow, P. (1993). Becoming a stepfamily: Patterns of development in remarried families. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. Stoll, B.M., Arnaut, G.L., Fromme, D.K., & Felker-Thayer, J.A. (2005). Adolescents in stepfamilies: A qualitative analysis. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 44, 177–189. Wark, L., & Jobalia, S. (1998). "What would it take to build a bridge? An intervention for stepfamilies."Journal of Family Psychotherapy, 9, 69–77. What are the challenges of a blended family?Challenges Children Face in Blended Families. Relationship between child and stepparent. Children may struggle with feelings about a new stepparent. ... . Relationship between child and stepsiblings. Sibling rivalry can also take on a new dimension. ... . Visitation and parenting plans. ... . Grief and loss after divorce.. What are blended families and what challenges do they face quizlet?Blended families are families in which the remarried partners bring children into the relationship. These children in these families may face a number of challenges. These challenges include an unfamiliar network of relationships, particularly with an adult in which they have not fallen in love with.
Which is a common potential weakness of a blended family structure?Children Have a Difficult Time Sharing Parents
Blended families may have more children than nuclear families. Two children who are accustomed to sharing their mother's love between them may find their mother's attention and time suddenly divided among five children.
What is blended family system?A blended family is 'a couple family containing 2 or more children, of whom at least one is the natural or adopted child of both members of the couple, and at least one is the stepchild of either partner in the couple'.
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